There is an Elephant in the room?

by Dr Gill Barham

Dr Gill is a Broadcast Presenter and Advocate for Mental and Social Health Prevention. She is a beacon of light for every woman over 50 and believes now is the time to shine your light in the world, and leave your own legacy as a healthy and fulfilled woman.

The Vitality Hour with Dr Gill Barham is designed to cover all things in relation to health prevention and well-being. Coming from a conventional medical background, Gill has been interested in Functional Medicine for many years, even using natural solutions for herself and her family whilst working in the NHS.

To keep the body in good health is a duty… otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear. Buddha

There’s an elephant in the room? It is so big and so hard to get around it, but we squeeze by graciously and we talk about the weather, we talk about our colleagues and neighbors, a new shop closing down and everything else in between, but, we do not want look at the elephant in the room…

I often hear comments about the lack of discussion and information available about the menopause. Whilst I accept, sadly, that there are many times that this is still the “elephant in the room” perhaps more often for women in the corporate world, this is far from my experience as a  natural health advocate. In the last few decades, I have dedicated much of my attention to health prevention, both from my own perspective and through sharing my own story on stage, writing articles and on air, at The Vitality Hour on BYP TV. I showcase the vast variety of natural, alternate and complimentary solutions available to you by featuring experts in their field and guests with amazing stories of recovery and healing of both mental and physical illnesses. I am always in the lookout for the latest and most up to date information in the field of conventional medicine and holistic healing. Recently I featured a powerful story told by two sisters who have managed to totally control the symptoms with a natural remedy based on hops. ( available now on https://www.byptv.live/vitality-hour)

If you are in your fifties, you are in the season of your young people leaving home for their first or subsequent years away at university, when you have no choice but sparking the real “elephant in the room” for mothers across the globe. In my case, I have experienced this phenomenon many times over the past eleven years with all three of my children embarking on their first or second degrees. This time my youngest happens to have left for her first job, but the feelings and emotions I have been experiencing were the same, if not even more intense. I decided to express my feelings in a private facebook group that I run for my fans and anyone that wants to connect with me.

So – just when you think you have It all sorted in your head:

·       You have come to terms with your children truly becoming the independent beings we have worked hard as parents to create

·       Your dreams for them are even beyond your expectations

·       You are proud of their achievements and chosen pathways

·       You are honoured by their continued unconditional love and devotion to you

·       You are in awe of their energy and capacity for love of life

·       You are grateful for their continued good health and prosperity

·       You are happy that they are happy

Despite all that, I was not prepared for my heart to feel broken today at no 3 child starting her first job and leaving her so very far away from home:

·       Even though she will come home a lot

·       Even though we have the wonders of technology

·       Even though it is the right thing and a natural part of family life

·       Even though I have my lovely husband of over 30 years who is my best friend

This is one of those times that logic is meaningless and unhelpful!!

I feel sad and lonely all of a sudden and thought I would share a part of me that is personal in the hope that you too can acknowledge your pains in a world (especially on Facebook) where we all want to show the good times and hide some things that aren’t so good.

Wow – I was not expecting the response I got from so many women, some of whom I know well, who have NEVER expressed any of their grief and sense of loss that echoed my own, at least not to me. It is not even about feeling that we have lost our purpose, as these women are all busy, fulfilled and accomplished. But all of them expressed the same sense of loss, loneliness and grief alongside pride in their children. A double-edged sword if you like, something that is bitter sweet and as one dear friend commented “It is in truth expanding and evolving, moving forth, an arrow from your bow, though like a boomerang that always returns home”.

I don’t think it is any coincidence that I have been feeling unwell this week, which I understand to be the physical manifestation of my inner sadness.  Fortunately, I have a variety of remedies, strategies and therapeutic practices at my disposal that have helped me to process both the mental and physical symptoms I have experienced. What I do know, is that it has definitely helped me to have the support of my friends and peers at this time and would urge you if you are in a similar situation to reach out to those around you for some love and support.

 Perhaps as a father you experience similar feelings when your fledglings leave the nest, but as a mother I could only talk about the bond that a mother has with her child, and makes this time in my life more intense and somehow cannot even be expressed in words.

You can apply to share your passion and story by contacting me here through the MTN network [email protected]